Category Archives: FUEL Gauge

Dear Granny…

Posted by Granny Trudy on

Hi there. This is Granny Trudy, and I’ve got my own advice column on this here FUEL Line. If you have any questions or need advice, y’all can just email or facebook me and I promise you can stay confidential. Here are a couple questions I’ve gotten.

Granny,
I really like this one guy … So one day, I asked him who he liked. And he said his best friend. I need to figure out who his best friend is … Any ideas?
- Best Friend Bloodhound

Hello there Bloodhound,
My advice: become a master level facebook stalker. I’m talking comment and like statistics, facebook generated mutual friend recommendations, get so that you know this guy’s friend preferences better than he does. Then, using your newly acquired information, run a detailed analysis to determine four or five potential candidates, excluding siblings & other close relatives, people already in relationships, etc. Randomly bring those people up in conversation, and gauge his reaction. If possible, measure heart and respiration rates, body temperature and blood pressure. Overall, you’ll probably still guess wrong.
Or you could assume he’s being coy for a reason (hint, hint).
Or you could straight up ask him.
- Granny

Granny,
I was talking to my best friend one day … She’s awesome. And she asked me who I liked … I panicked, because I like her, so I told her I like my best friend. My other friend told me she’s been asking around about who my best friend is. What does that mean? And how am I supposed to tell her she’s my best friend?
- Bearer of Possibly Good News

Hi Bearer,
Poop or get off the pot. If you want to pursue something with her, go for it; if you don’t, drop it and move on.
Boom.
- Granny

If you have questions or would like advice, please send your correspondence to granny_trudy@hotmail.com. Even if your letter is not chosen to be published, Granny will respond to you. If your question is not answered to your satisfaction, please feel free to follow up with Granny at any time.

Dear Granny…

Posted by Granny Trudy on

Hi there. This is Granny Trudy, and I’ve got my own advice column on this here FUEL Line. If you have any questions or need advice, y’all can just email or facebook me and I promise you can stay confidential. Here are a couple questions I’ve gotten.

Hi Granny,
I recently shaved my head, and now everybody’s making fun of me. I thought it looked pretty cool, but apparently I was the only one. After youth last night I just went home and cried until I didn’t have any more tears. I’ll admit, I may not have the most attractive scalp (and I do have an awkward pimple on the right side of my head, not cool), but now my swagger has been compromised. What can I do?
- Anonymous

Hi there Anonymous,
Don’t worry. At least you don’t look like Matt… oh wait… Sorry.
- Granny

Hey Granny,
What am I supposed to tell my friends who say that Christians are hypocrites?

Hello Dear,
Great question! The truth is, most Christians are hypocrites, because we claim to live at a higher standard, but then we repeatedly fail. Being Christian isn’t about being perfect; it’s about admitting that we can’t be and trusting in the one who is. I would tell your friend that you’re sorry for the fact that a lot of Christians have misrepresented the faith (and for your part in it), and that the reason they’re Christians is because of their flaws, not in spite of them. Then invite them to come meet your fellow messed up, flawed, imperfect friends at church.
- Granny

If you have questions or would like advice, please send your correspondence to granny_trudy@hotmail.com Even if your letter is not chosen to be published, Granny will respond to you. If your question is not answered to your satisfaction, please feel free to follow up with Granny at any time.

Dear Granny…

Posted by Matt Honstain on

Hi there. This is Granny Trudy, and I’ve got my own advice column on this here FUEL Line. If you have any questions or need advice, y’all can just email or facebook me and I promise you can stay confidential. Here are a couple questions I’ve gotten.

Dear Granny,
Why are girls so confusing? They act like they like you until you show an interest, and then boom! they don’t. For example, this one girl acted like she liked me, so I was like, “hey, who do you like?” and she was like, “well, there’s this guy…” but it was totally obvious she was talking about me, but I played dumb and was like, “oh yeah, what’s his name?” and she was like, “I can’t tell you,” and I was like, “why not? do I know him?” and she laughed and was like, “yeah, I’m pretty sure you do, but I can’t tell you who,” and I was like, “why not?” and she was like, “’cause that would ruin it,” and I was like, “why would that ruin it?” and she was like, “I want him to like me too,” and I was like, “maybe he already does,” and she was like, “why, who do you like?” and I was like, “why do you care?” and she was like, “come on, tell me, it’s really important,” and I was like, “you, do you like me?” and she was like, “NO! creeper.”
So the next day at school I brought her flowers and a card, and then the day after that I followed her to all her classes, singing to her, and I followed her home, and I slept on her front porch in the rain waiting for her to come out the next morning, and I keep writing her notes and slipping them in the little vent at the top of her locker, and I’ve memorized her schedule, so I go to her classes before she gets there and leave flowers on her desk, and I blow up her facebook inbox, declaring my undying love for her, and I rented out an ice cream shop and got her friend to invite her there, but when she got there is was just me in an all white tux, with two dozen red roses (super classy, right?). I’d hired a band that my friend was in to come and play some Air Supply songs, and I’d already ordered her favorite ice cream (I got my buddy’s cousin to find out what it was).
Why doesn’t she like me? What else can I do?
- Sad in Seattle

Hello Sad,
Stop. You’re being creepy. It’s time to move on.
- Granny

Hi Granny,
So, I’ve kinda got a problem. There’s this guy that I kinda liked about a month ago, but I didn’t want to invest too much in it, you know, in case he didn’t like me. I was pretty sure he did, but then he started interrogating me about who I liked. He was being super intense. I tried to get him to drop it, but he just wouldn’t. Finally, he admitted that he liked me, but by then I was so irritated that I said I didn’t like him and called him a creeper. I felt really bad about it, because I think I led him on, but after that he started following me and giving me gifts and totally facebook stalking me. He even slept outside my house in the rain one night, crying and sobbing really loudly about how he just wanted a chance to show me his love. The final straw was he got my friend to trick me into going into this really seedy looking ice cream place that he’d apparently booked with a crappy 80s cover band. He had on a super cheesy tuxedo that was too small and was holding roses that looked about two weeks old. I thought this would just die down, but it hasn’t! Ok, so I led him on, but now how do I lead him away?
- Crushed-on and Creeped-out 

Hey Crushed & Creeped,
Seeing that you did care for him at one time, and it sounds like maybe you led him on a bit at first, have you done him the courtesy of honestly (but kindly) telling him you’re not interested? If not, that’d be a good place to start. If you have done that, and his advances are not stopping, you need to talk to a counselor or someone that you both respect who can help him see past his fixation on you. If he knows you’re not interested, and he continues to make advances, that’s sexual harassment, and you need to tell someone.
- Granny

If you have questions or would like advice, please send your correspondence to granny_trudy@hotmail.com. Even if your letter is not chosen to be published, Granny will respond to you. If your question is not answered to your satisfaction, please feel free to follow up with Granny at any time.

Dear Granny…

Posted by Granny Trudy on
Hi there y’all.  This is Granny Trudy, and I’ve got my own advice column on this here FUEL Line.  If you have any questions or need advice, y’all can just email me and I promise you can stay confidential.  Here are a couple questions I’ve gotten:

Dear Granny,
We miss you so much! When are you coming back?

Hello Dearie,
Unfortunately, some things in life are just a little bit complicated. It seems that lately Holly hasn’t been able to come pick me up. Besides which, the nursing home has been adjusting my meds a bit more than usual, and I’m having some trouble with my bowel and bladder control, and also knowing what’s appropriate to discuss on a public forum. I do miss you all dearly, and I’m hoping to see you all soon.
– Granny

Granny,
I have a friend who jokes a lot about hurting herself, but I’m beginning to think she might not really be joking. You know what I mean? I want to be a good friend to her, and to help her get help, but I don’t want to betray her confidence. What should I do?
     - Worried

Hey Worried,
Your friend may really be reaching out to you for help. Sadly, self-injury is a pretty common problem, and people do it for a number of reasons. I think the best thing for you to do would be to confront her and ask her straight out what’s going on. It might be a little awkward, but it’s a lot better than not helping her if that’s what she needs. Once you’ve talked with her, go with her to talk to a counselor or another adult you both trust who can connect her with the right resources. She needs your support and your strength, meaning you can’t back down. If she’s hurting herself, you need to get her help, even if she gets mad at you for it.
- Granny

Hey Granny!
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 months, and she’s still totally grossed out by my armpit hair. I think it started in math class (we have math together), when she fell asleep at her desk. I plucked out a couple of armpit hairs (which really hurt, by the way) and put them in her nose. As you can imagine, it woke her up, and she got really mad. She was going on all day long about how she could still smell my B.O. (which she totally couldn’t, ’cause I had a ton of Axe spray on anyway). Anyway, now every time I stick her face in my armpit, she keeps complaining about the smell and won’t let it go. Aren’t girlfriends supposed to forgive their boyfriends? I mean, seriously, what’s up with her?
- The Armpit Crusader 

Hi Armpit,
You, sir, are what’s known as a jerk. Back in my day, if my boyfriend (which I didn’t have until I was at least 29), would have put his armpit hair in my nose (or my nose in his armpit hair) I would have shown him that very special pain that only happens when you’re duct taped to a barbed-wire fence and have all that armpit hair waxed off. As for the Axe spray, in case you haven’t noticed, the commercials do not portray “typical results.” Maybe you should tone it down a bit.
- Granny

If you have questions or would like advice, please send your correspondence to granny_trudy@hotmail.com.  Even if your letter is not chosen to be published, Granny will respond to you.  If your question is not answered to your satisfaction, please feel free to follow up with Granny at any time.

Lemon Legit, Undercover Report

Posted by Granny Trudy on

This is Sunny Day, reporting to you from the Lemon Legit headquarters. In recent news from the headquarters, Jacob Popoff and Joshua Hart have been texting each other about ways the Lemon team can come back from the early point deficit and start winning group games. They feel as they need more of a team presence rather than individual Lebron-like performances. They also feel that in the individual games the Lemons have been exceeding expectations, and overcoming odds with great performances. They think as soon as they start winning games as a group they should catch up in points within a week. They do think that they have been getting solid effort from everyone and they feel that the effort is there, but the teamwork hasn’t formed yet.

 In other news, an anonymous person was recently asked how they felt about tribal wars so far, their reply, “I think we are doing well. I mean we got down to an early deficit, but the team is really coming around. I sense a late comeback to victory. Those Narwhals can’t keep winning these games. We will steal a few and in the end, there is no doubt in my mind that Lemon Legit will be there.”

 So there is the report for you. Lemon Legit feels confident and they are working on teamwork to help them win in the end. The battles continue every Sunday evening at FUEL.

 Sunny Day

Dear Granny…

Posted by Granny Trudy on

Hi there y’all.  This is Granny Trudy, and I’ve got my own advice column on this here FUEL Gauge.  If you have any questions or need advice, y’all can just email me and I promise you can stay confidential.  Here’s a couple questions I’ve already gotten:

Dear Granny,
Recently, I discovered that my long term boyfriend (of almost four months) is actually my half-brother.  How concerned should I be?
     – Hormonal Hillbilly

Hormonal,
Where do I begin?  I realize that this is a complex time of life, and that, presumably, you didn’t know he was your close relative going ino the relationship, but the fact remains, dear, YOU CANNOT DATE YOUR BROTHER!  It is simply not okay.  “What about Adam and Eve’s kids?” you’ll ask (even though I’m really not quite THAT old).  Trust me, you have more options than they did.
     – Granny

Hi Granny,
I have a friend who says he’s a Christian, but you’d never know it to see his lifestyle.  I told him he should just shut up about it, because he’s making Christians look bad, but he told me I was being judgmental and to butt out.  What should I do?

Hello Dear,
First of all, you should probably evaluate your own response.  Maybe you are being just a little judgmental.  That being said, it certainly is frustrating to see people who proclaim (rather loudly) to be Christians whil denying Christ by the way that they live.  You might try a gentler approach, letting him know how his behavior looks to others.  Try to avoid words like “hypocrite” or “fake” or “phony.”  Rather, use words like “consistent” and “genuine,” encouraging him rather than calling out his faults.
     – Granny

If you have questions or would like advice, please send your correspondence to granny_trudy@hotmail.com.  Even if your letter is not chosen to be published, Granny will respond to you.  If your question is not answered to your satisfaction, please feel free to follow up with Granny at any time.

To Crush… or Merely Squish?

Posted by Blake Smith on

A wise man once said  “to be or not to be….that is the question…”.  But the way I see it, I think the question should be“ to crush the yellow by a massive point lead or not to crush the yellow by a massive point lead…but still crush them…that is the question”. I am Blake Smith and along with my good friend, Cameron Patterson, we have become the captains of the Mystical Purple Narwhals and hope to lead our team to victory in the coming weeks. Tribal Wars have been going on for just about three weeks now and so far it is an awesome battle to stay point leader.  With the massive amounts of energy emanating from both teams, it is sure to be a fight to the finish and I can promise you that. The other team’s name is Lemon Legit and their captains are Jacob Popoff and Josh Hart. Both great guys and friends but when you are on opposing sides there is no more being friendly. Three weeks into the fight, the Narwhals have taken quite a point lead on the Lemons. Though not far ahead in points, I am pretty sure the Narwhals have the gold medal already in our hands.  With incredible driving forces from both our high school boys and Middle school girls, we have managed to stay in a comfortable lead. Most of the challenges that involve middle school girls, we have won because we are the only tribe that puts forth a girl willing to participate. But I still feel a great desire from the team as a whole to succeed in our quest for victory.  I feel our team is having lots of fun with every competition and loves the desire to win that comes from everyone of their fellow teammates. Loving the energy, loving the fire, loving the purple. Mystical Purple Narwhals FTW!!!!! WOOT WOOT!!!

-          To the purple team: your ever-ready and dedicated leader: Blake M. Smith

-          To the yellow team: I hope you like the color silver, cause gold is already taken….

Blake Smith

Sarah vs. John

Posted by Mark McLean on

A long time ago in a far away place, a boy was born. They named him John. John grew up to be the nicest kid you would ever meet. Every one in his tribe hated him. The tribes name was The Big Fat Meanies. John was public enemy number one. He only weighed 93 pounds, John was 3 feet tall, and he was not mean. By the age of 13 he was kicked out of the tribe when he said “good day.” to someone. John left. He went into the wild. He found another kid. Her name was Sarah. Sarah was evil. She chopped all his hair off. John was so angry that he took a moose and chucked it at Sarah. Sarah then, took off her shoe and sprayed foot sweat all over him.  John died of what we call today as bad foot smell. He ended up in Narnia with king Peter and Peter ate a sandwich call Bob. Then John woke up to Bob Saget eating tofu with Selena Gomez.

Mark McLean

Bob’s Life

Posted by Mark McLean on

Hi, I’m Bob. I live in California. I’m three years old. This is about time I met Bob Saget. On the day of January 93rd, I, Bob, went for a walk in the ghetto. I saw many with gangsta wannabies. Then I saw a weird man. I punched him in the face. My mommy was the weird looking man so I ran into a bird named Lalaro. Lalaro was a guardian of the place in Hollywood where they shot the moon landing. Neil Armstrong was a complete liar. Anyways, back to the story. So I was scared… then it happened, right in front of me was Miley Cyrus. She was sooo nice. She gave me 13 pennies. I was rich! Then Bob Saget gave me a dollar. I mean one dollar! If it’s one vs. 13 I’m choosing 13. Bob Saget claimed to be the boss so I fired him and sent him to herd a pack of llamas ithe rest of his life. The end.

Mark McLean

Dear Granny…

Posted by Granny Trudy on

Hi there y’all.  This is Granny Trudy, and I’ve got my own advice column on this here FUEL Gauge.  If you have any questions or need advice, y’all can just email me and I promise you can stay confidential.  Here’s a couple questions I’ve already gotten:

Dear Granny Trudy,
I’m having some trouble this Christmas season.  I love going to the mall, but I have a paralyzing fear of Santa Claus.  When I was three, I was playing with my brother and our [awesome] radio flyer wagon.  Out of nowhere a half dozen mall-Santas showed up and wagon-jacked us.  They stayed on our street for hours, pulling each other up and down the hill, over and over again.  We finally got our wagon back when my mom came out and yelled at them, but their bowl-full-of-jelly bellies had bent the rear axle.  It was never the same again.  I can still hear their evil cackle… muah hah hah ho ho!  It keeps me up at night.  What should I do?
- Clausophobe

Uh, get help.  No, really.  And, maybe avoid the mall between Halloween and New Years.

Hi Granny,
There’s this girl in one of my classes, and she’s really awkward.  My friends all make fun of her, but I don’t.  I don’t stop them either though.  I feel guilty even though I’m not the one doing anything.  What do you think I should do about it?
- Sympathetic Sophomore

Hi Sympathetic,
Well, your guilty feeling is trying to tell you something.  Even if you’re not going along with the teasing, if you’re not standing up for the girl in your class, you’re in the wrong.  The Bible talks a LOT about helping out people who need it (especially Amos, check it out), and James says, “Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.” (James 4:17).  You have an obligation as a Christian to help that girl in your class, even if you’re not the one causing the problem.

If you have questions or would like advice, please send your correspondence to granny_trudy@hotmail.com.  Even if your letter is not chosen to be published, Granny will respond to you.  If your question is not answered to your satisfaction, please feel free to follow up with Granny at any time.